| Loren's profile*~*Loren Sarah*~*PhotosBlogGuestbook |  Tools  Help |
|
|
January 17 Rant in a sort of quote form!And she often wonders if her little jokes of being alone forever are going to become reality....
He broke her...stamped on her heart. He will never understand that. Yet she would forgive him, talk to him like an old friend, just so she knows he is ok.
Even now...when she thought she was happy with herself and everything she had achieved, it only takes one insult from him to destroy her completly and it takes a long time for her to get back...
He asked if she was ok and what she wanted to say was "You destroy me, leave me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, don't talk to me for two whole years as if i never existed, let me cry myself to sleep, because the only guy I cared for was you and you had cheated on me for a whole year and called me crazy when i started to have suspisions, so no i am not ok. Not ok with the fact that I have forgot you and then you come back!" But what she really said was "long time no speak I am boss how are you?" because she still clings to the fact that maybe he really did care. Silly right?
Talking to him again, made her think of the person she used to be. The one who would do anything to hold him, kiss him, speak to him, just see him. She realised she had come along way in 2 years. Now she just wanted to know he was ok and for him to know that she was living without him.
What did he see when he looked at her photo's? Did he see someone who he was glad to have got rid of or did he realise he had made a big mistake?
The barriers I built, I built because he hurt me. No-one can get close to me now, because I either get scared and run or I hurt them like he hurt me. Funny how when he comes back into my life, the barriers don't scream "Leave me alone" they feel like they lift.
Don't get me wrong, I hate him. I hate everything about him. The way he looks, what he does, how he speaks, how he walks, how he thinks he is better than me. I hate him. The pain, the tears and the arguments I went through, just for nothing, but more pain, tears and arguments. But is it so wrong that I still care? Not love, not even like, but just care.
If I could have anything just for a day it would be the ability to see what other people are thinking. I would like to know who my real friends are, who the bitches are, who the backstabbers are, but most importantly the ones who say they love me, just to see if they really mean it. Imagine having that power. Imagine, how much pain could be avoided.
TrackbacksThe trackback URL for this entry is: http://cid-1f9196477a3f34c9.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!1F9196477A3F34C9!1837.trak Weblogs that reference this entry
|
|
|
